Cataclysmed!April 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm | Posted in General | 1 Comment
Tags: bad hawley, game design, World of Warcraft
So, does anyone know why Azeroth is about to get Cataclysmed?
I did some checking (go, Research Hawley, go), and after a little hunting on the official European site, I discovered that Azeroth is to be Cataclysmed by a big gnarly drrrrragin that’s been hiding deep in the bowels of the planet.
When that drrrrragin decides it’s safe to come out (the smart money is on September), it’s bye-bye Azeroth as we know it…
But I must admit I’m a little disappointed that it’s *just* a big drrrrrragin. Blizzard’s world is crazy, cartoony, and a few other things beginning with a “c” and ending with a “y”. It is most certainly larger than life, so reverting to the old trope of “A drrrrrrrragin did it” just seems so… Dragonlance.
Is there is such a word as “Cataclysmed”? I don’t know, but I have been pondering other causes for a world-destroying Cataclysm than “Oh noes! A drrrrrrragin did it!”:
That big spaceship crash. Did anyone think to find out what sort of power supply/engine/makes-spaceship-move-thingy that a large Draenai spaceship used before the pilot completely failed that whole reverse parking manoeuvre? And did anyone check to see if it was, y’know, safe? Not leaking explodey-fake-science goo anywhere that a spark might set it off and, oh, I don’t know, trash the planet? I’ve seen Star Trek; those engines are lethal.
A goblin did it. With a gnome. No, not rumpy-pumpy (you dirty-minded lot. I feel bad for your mothers) but Science! Yes, Science! Everyone knows that both goblins and gnomes are obsessed with engineering, and everyone knows that both goblins and gnomes end up with unintended results far too often. Aaaaand there’s all those bombs. Little bombs for throwing, big bombs for lobbing, bombs for bomber planes to drop, bombs for… umm… other bomber-thingy-creatures to drop. And of course there’s an arms race. Is anyone monitoring these mad engineers? And is anyone ensuring that they don’t start talking to each other, and swapping notes?
It was like that when I found it. Yes, the classics are quite often the best. That’s why they’re classics. Besides, when something is broken, really broken, there’s just no fixing it. So if superglue and duct tape won’t fix it, then blame definitely won’t. Let’s just move on, and deal with what we have left. Without asking where I was when it all went Cataclysmy. No mum, I wasn’t playing ball games in Azeroth.
Regardless of the reason for the Cataclysm, I must admit to a certain amount of vicarious evil-tourism. Yes, I have been visiting those zones I hated and have hardly returned to, just so I can look them over and giggle at their impending doom.
That’s you, Azshara. That’s you.